I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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