I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
