the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
