my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
