is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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