Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
