It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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