stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
