Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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