my sisters under your porch take her home
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
