Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The uberlube is also flammable
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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