i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
