I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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