We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
