I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
