Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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