Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
