hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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