1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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