I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
