we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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