the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
