I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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