Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
