please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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