but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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