Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's rum buckets o'clock
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
