I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
