he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wear drunk well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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