whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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