Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
