I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
