Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
