I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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