I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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