i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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