And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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