I just pynch a tree in the face
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.