ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
