I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My penis needs a shock collar
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
