Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Small penises have feelings too.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
