You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
