Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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