Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
