So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
