so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
