my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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