well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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