why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
