I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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