he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
