it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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