I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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