Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
