I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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