I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
