drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
