they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
