just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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