Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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