I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
