i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
