Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
