Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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