I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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