and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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