A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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