"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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