And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
