so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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