We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
