you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
