I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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