If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
