i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
