So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
