I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
