I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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