so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
