The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
