Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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