Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
